If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
