my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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