..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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