I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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