i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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