woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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