just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
