How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
two words: eviction party
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
