if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
