I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
