New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
