I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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