I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
