My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
