My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
