So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
