Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
