He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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