Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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