Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
