Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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