Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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