i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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