So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
