i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
