i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drunk is not a location!
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