I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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