Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
