So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
