11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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