my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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