The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
