Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
