so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
