seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
