I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
