She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
