Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
