Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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