im drinking this country out of the recession.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
