I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
