Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
