a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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