I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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