Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
