Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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