i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
