He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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