Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
