Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
