sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
