Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
