Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
