WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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