I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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