My Higher Power is John Stamos
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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