I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
third nipple confirmed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
