I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish you could order shots online.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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