I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm at about main and main street
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pooping to opera.
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