I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
