We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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