i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
