You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its about making memories worth repressing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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