I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
