3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
