I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
