I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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