She said her name was "party"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
