Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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