Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
