OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
