bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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