Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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