Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
