It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
