oh god the rape fog is back!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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